Emotions to Prepare for as New Parents in the First Year

There is so much that changes after having a child. Here are some emotions to prepare for as new parents, that I wish someone had told me were common. If I had known how common these feelings are, I could have planned activities to help!

Parenting is a Joy

I love being a parent and I love my son beyond words. I can’t imagine ever going back to a world without him.

Enjoying your first year with your baby is easy if you have the support and plans you need.

Being prepared for the emotions and emotional events that are common as new parents helps you make a plan for when they happen.

I would have felt more capable to handle the situations when they came up, had someone written about them. I want to be that friend for you.

Imagine me on your couch with a hot cocoa with extra whipped cream and a cherry. It is never a bad time for a hot cocoa! We are cozy and you have asked me what emotions to prepare for as new parents.

If you are about to be or are a new parent than you are in for a world of wonder, joy, excitement, exhaustion, and love.

Postpartum Emotions For the Parent Giving Birth

I did not have Postpartum Anxiety or Depression and if you do, please reach out for help! More information on symptoms here. Postpartum Anxiety or Depression can hit at anytime within the first year.

Talk to those around you about the signs of PPD or PPA so that they can recognize it in you.

If you do not have PPD or PPA, having a newborn is still hard work for anyone. So if you are feeling stressed and overworked, you are not alone.

Your hormones are shifting right after delivery, then 3 days later when your milk comes in, and then any time your baby spends more or less time nursing.

Imagine it like having period hormone shifts at random times and you never know when they are going to hit. It is hard to try to stay kind and patient with the adults around you.

Sometimes, I would burst into tears because the remote was too far away and the baby was asleep. Sometimes, I would be overwhelmed with joy because I brought the cutest little baby into the world.

The hormones are a wild rollercoaster, but they will steady out eventually! Eat some comfort food and take it easy. You are doing a great job!

Loss of Control Over Your Time

Parents go from this world where they get to decide everything to a world where they are trying to fit tasks into windows of time. It is a HARD adjustment when your time is not your own anymore.

If you need to accomplish something with a baby, try completing it in the beginning of the day. They are more patient in the beginning of the day and less demanding too.

In the beginning, I had to change some of my values too. I used to place a lot of pride and self worth in what I could accomplish in a day.

I didn’t even realize how much of my self worth was tied to it, until I was all of a sudden unable to complete ANY task because my son would scream for me.

It took a lot of conscious thought and a changing of my inner monologue to rebuild that self worth into simply existing.

I still catch myself feeling like I didn’t get enough done sometimes and then I have to reframe my thoughts.

‘Today, I didn’t get as much as I wanted done. I spent my time caring for my baby. I was able to accomplish __,___,and ___ today; but my biggest accomplishment was helping my child learn and grow safely.’

Loss of Bodily Autonomy

When you are pregnant you give your body to your baby for a while. It is still your body, but in some ways it feels different and like it isn’t quite your own.

If you choose to nurse or pump, you are a milk machine until you decide to wean.

It is an honor to provide your baby with the best nourishment on earth, specifically designed for them, but it is hard work. It also continues that feeling like you have to share your body with your baby.

You were their entire world when they were inside your womb, and now your body is the only place they know in the outside world. It is a lot of responsibility that shouldn’t be taken lightly.

The loss of bodily autonomy is a hard adjustment, but it does get easier as the baby gets older. They start to explore more and they slowly allow others to comfort them as well.

Nursing and pumping is hard work. Your body’s ability to provide your baby food is nothing short of amazing. Recognize your awesomeness!

Emotions About Partners

I love my husband. He is sweet and funny, but during our first year sometimes I just wanted to scream, because it felt unfair.

My husband left for work (10 hours with commute, 5 days a week) and I felt trapped at home, because I had a newborn who wanted to nurse for 30 minutes every 30 minutes. Of all the emotions to prepare for as new parents this feeling of responsibility and being trapped was the hardest for me.

My husband is always the first to remind me that he never wants to leave and he would rather be home, which helps me feel better. However, just the knowledge that he could get up and walk out that door, without the baby, for hours at a time felt unfair.

I asked my husband to take the baby while I went on walks or did other favorite activities, so that I could be alone for a while. This helped me feel more free, but also could only happen when my husband was available and the baby was happy.

So, I started to take walks with my son frequently after a month, which helped the trapped feeling improve immensely. I started calling friends and family more so that I felt less lonely.

I watched a LOT of television because if I had to be in a chair, nursing the baby constantly, then I might as well do something fun for me too!

Carving time to invest time into my hobbies and improving my home helped too.

I had to take charge of my time and energy in the small ways I could because otherwise the feelings of jealousy and frustration and anger would bubble over.

Helping with Your Partners Emotions

My husband and I communicate a ton. We are always a team against the world.

During the first year with our son, we had to be honest with each other and tell each other that sometimes, neither of us had the mental ability to support the other how they wanted us to support them.

It is a hard discussion to have, but when you are taking care of a needy baby, you do not have the ability to help and listen to each other as deeply as you once did.

Making sure you have a plan of who you each will call when you need someone for support is so important to helping your partnership stay strong.

My husband also felt left out quite a bit in the first few months. By the time he was home from work, my son didn’t want to be anywhere but with me.

That made my husband feel unwanted at the same time that I was disappointed to not get any longer breaks from my son. Children grown out of that during the first year, but it can take over 6 months.

Since my husband could be up and around at the end of the day, he took over a LOT of the house work each day because I couldn’t. That helped him feel useful and I made sure to thank him for his work too.

Emotions to Prepare for as New Parents About Other People

The Drama Doesn’t Stop

The thing about babies is, any drama that was happening before will not stop just because you had a baby.

I felt like the world should have stopped because I had my beautiful boy, but it didn’t.

Our first year with our son, came at a difficult time for both sides of our families. It left me feeling responsible for a lot of people’s feelings and decisions that were not my choice.

The beauty of becoming a parent is recognizing that, when you can, you need to step back and distance yourself from anything that is not urgent.

It is a moment in time when you really have to evaluate what is important to you and let everything else go.

You are responsible for this tiny life. All they know is you, and your wellbeing is their wellbeing.

Boundary Setting

When you bring life into the world you want to help them have the best of everything. Which means that you start evaluating everyone in your life, who can help you.

When you start evaluating your relationships with everyone, you may start realizing that you want to put some boundaries down.

Placing boundaries is a difficult decision, but it will benefit you and your little one.

How you let people treat you is how your child will let people treat them.

Here is a printout that gives tips on creating boundaries.

You don’t have to be unkind when setting boundaries. You are simply letting those in your life know that they exist and change how you behave.

Boundaries Can Sound Like:

“I am so excited to see you, but I need to leave by 6 so that I can help my baby go to bed.”

“I can’t wait to see your new place! Remember that I am bringing my baby, so please put away anything that he can break.”

“When you make jokes about me, I feel hurt and like I want to leave. If you continue to make them I will listen to my body and leave.”

“I can’t wait to come over! I want to remind you to put away your cigarettes/vapes/cigars because I don’t want my newborn smelling smoke on me.”

Losing Friends

One of the most difficult parts of the first year as new parents was when I lost a good friend. This is one of the most important emotions to prepare for as new parents, in my opinion.

I had no idea that losing friendships are a common occurrence for new parents, until it happened to me. I brought it up to a group of other parents and almost every one of them had lost friendships because of being a parent.

If it happens to you, please know that you are not alone.

Often the friend does not understand the dedication of being a parent and they may call you disrespectful, unresponsible, a different person, or other cruel things.

I am so sorry. It isn’t fair and I wish it wasn’t common.

Lean on the people that you trust and support you. You will make it through the loss.

Imposter Syndrome

I was a teacher for 5 years before I had my son. I believe that in a lot of ways, that knowledge is still so valuable as a mother.

However, it does not mean that I have everything figured out.

‘I can’t believe they sent us home with a baby.’

‘Do you feel like a parent yet? I really don’t feel like a parent yet.’

‘I know this is my baby, but I can’t believe we have a baby.’

Both my husband and I would say these phrases to each other often in the beginning. Now, we say them less, but every once in a while we still say that we can’t believe our son is here.

When I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing with my son my mantra was:

‘I am his mama. No one knows him better than I do. I can do this. I know what he needs.’

This phrase really helped me feel more confident, because everyday I proved that I could take care of my son.

You will prove to yourself everyday, just how well you know and care about your baby.

What Advice on Emotions to Prepare for as New Parents do you Have?

Let us know in the comments down below, share about what emotions to prepare for as new parents you wish you had known about!

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